When I began a program of natural healing I was full of excitement and hope, after all this was a positive move in my life and a chance to rid myself all my negative emotions and things that were holding me back in life. Before deciding to embark on an Emotional Detox programme with Mal I researched a lot of other therapies and settled on the treatment program offered by Tantric Journey because I felt that I would benefit from the chakra activation and harmonising and awakening nature of the treatment. I knew that I had a number of deep seated issues that other therapies didn’t seem to be able to access and I felt that a treatment that would bring about a spiritual and sexual awakening would be bring about great internal change.
I’ve no denying that I had my reservations about embarking on a treatment plan with Mal because I was scared about what the therapy was going to entail and in all honesty I was scared about trusting the therapist enough to let go. I knew I had issues, but for years I had denied their existence, even to myself. Before going for my first session I felt like a student going to sit an exam: jittery with nerves. The thought of laying bare my emotions and actually trusting a therapist I didn’t know did make me feel vulnerable, but then I recognised that I didn’t want to continue living in the same vicious, negative cycle that I was in either, so I decided to be brave and driven by the promise of healing and freedom from negative emotion I experienced both clothes on bodywork and full Tantric Journey bodywork with yoni massage.
The treatment itself was a true roller coaster of pleasure and pain. At one stage I felt as if I was flooded with the pain of negative emotion, and that I was pushing through the pain to the pleasure in order to find my way back to the core of balance, peace, and wellbeing. Whilst in the treatment session I felt loved, nurtured and protected, the treatment was in no way the hedonistic delight I would have liked to have taken refuge in, but it was deeply healing and I could tell that as I was feeling the pain and working through it that I was releasing some of my deep seated trauma from within. Everything I felt in the session seemed perfectly acceptable, expected or reasonable, but what I couldn’t explain nor expect was the dramatic and all-consuming crisis that swept me up like a tidal wave after the treatment.
Like most people I base my health on how I am feeling and after my Tantric Journey session I felt at my lowest ebb, emotionally and physically I felt drained and spent; naturally I felt that my session with Mal was the cause of my distress and that the therapy had harmed me. I realise now that this couldn’t have been further from the truth, but when you are in the thick of a healing crisis it is hard to know what to think.
The process was challenging and the worst part was that I didn’t understand what was happening to me or where to turn for help. To anyone else that goes through this sort of treatment and consequential crisis that it is important to remember and understand that all great change is preceded by a time of turmoil and chaos where the old emotional trauma must surface, be processed and dispersed to make room for new, positive and life serving emotions to take hold. The emotional symptoms that I encountered for days after the treatment session ranged from irritability, anxiety, fears, anger, and depression to feelings of panic and muddled thoughts. The emotional turmoil was overwhelming and totally exhausting, I really did feel as if I was losing my mind as long-forgotten memories surfaced and I couldn’t even escape from the trauma of my emotions in my sleep as vivid dreams occurred as I processed traumas and incidents from the past. Thankfully these feelings passed within a few days, because I felt so exposed, vulnerable and helpless. I was truly relieved to emerge from this crisis!
As if the entire emotional trauma wasn’t enough to deal with I also encountered a range of physical symptoms as well. I had burning pain upon urination. I suffered pain in the urethra and bladder area upon urination for around three days after the yoni massage and my initial thoughts were that I had contracted an infection, but then I knew this wasn’t really possible. After speaking to Mal and other holistic therapists I came to understand that the cause of the pain when I urinated was due to the release of negative toxins through my kidneys and into my urine. I found that drinking plenty of water helped to flush the toxins through my system and it all cleared up in the space of three days.
My eating habits prior to my treatments with Mal had been full of good intentions, I would start off every week thinking positively about a healthy eating plan but by mid-week I would be ordering take-away or enjoying quick fix meals. After the treatment I lost my appetite for a while and only wanted very light meals, but after a few days my appetite returned, but my cravings were no longer for fat and sugar rich foods, but instead for fresh, raw and cleansing foods.
Whilst going through my healing crisis I really did feel as if I needed nurturing. I found the aftermath of the treatment debilitating, with physical symptoms varying from fatigue, crippling headaches, dizziness, abdominal cramps and nausea. I knew that none of my friends or family could support me during my crisis as they wouldn’t have any understanding of the type of healing I was going through, in fact I did feel the need to shut myself away from everyone for a while. At one point my symptoms were so severe that I thought that there was something seriously wrong with my health and I wondered whether I should call the emergency doctor. When I called Mal he explained that the symptoms were just my body processing healing and eliminating negative toxins. He reassured me that the symptoms would pass and that I needed to rest as much as possible, reduce stress and strain and conserve my energy resources for healing. He explained that I needed to practice breathing deeply and slowly as this is calming for the nervous system and would help to alleviate my feelings of panic. Other advice given included drinking plenty of water for aiding detoxification and to keep meals simple as energy must be diverted from healing to digest a meal. I took Mal’s advice on all of these matters and on taking time out to re-connect with myself through meditation and gentle exercise such as yoga and walking.
There was a real period of uncertainty for me, when I really didn’t feel sure of anything. I thought the process of healing would be a pleasurable experience of gradually feeling better as wounds gently faded away and I was filled with a sense of well-being, but I realised after Mal’s treatment that the reality of healing is that it isn’t neatly packaged. To cure deep seated emotional wounds requires us to leave the comfort of numbness and become fully awakened, this means having to feel the pain of the emotional trauma in order to move through the healing process. It realised that it takes courage to surrender the protection that numbness provides and have our trauma exposed. Dealing with the raw, unedited emotions was purgative yet painful.
I was definitely on a voyage of self-discovery. When I came through the symptoms of the healing after my first session I suddenly felt lighter and realised that I had been living my life through a filter of blocked emotion that was dulling my sensations. My joy in life had been stifled by all the negative emotions of the past. The road to well-being and emotional freedom forced me to walk a road of sheer hell of healing crisis that exacerbated the agony of past traumas by dropping me into an emotional and physical nightmare, however it was temporary. On reflection I realise that this was a small price to pay for long term emotional and physical well-being. My reaction to subsequent treatments were not as extreme as those that I experienced with the first treatment, but each time I felt more trauma surfacing and dispersing. After each treatment and subsequent crisis I felt an increased energy and vibrancy.
As I explained earlier Mal’s Emotional Detox treatment really does expose all the dormant, suppressed emotions we hold on to and for me I found an inward struggle taking place as I had to fight my innate desire to suppress my emotions that were surfacing for processing. I really felt the need to deaden the force of my emotions with alcohol, tobacco, drugs, shopping, mind numbing TV, meaningless sex and even through preoccupation with other people’s issues and comfort food; I just wanted to control my reality and numb myself from pain. These things all suppress emotions and stifle healing and I realised that these ‘comforts’ had been my coping mechanisms for years and that these habits were desensitising me to my own emotions and that suppressing my feelings wasn’t making them go away, instead it was just anaesthetising me. No matter how much I tried to numb the pain with suppressants or stimulants all I was doing was blurring the pain and pushing it deeper into my inner being. Through Mal’s treatments my feelings and sensations of deep rooted trauma arrived in a cathartic and deeply penetrating reality. When you have been stumbling around in the dark for most of your life the bright lights of reality and truth can be a lot to adjust to. I had never been used to working through my pain before, because when I had felt emotional distress, upset or any hurt in the past I would immediately medicate myself with some alcohol, cigarettes, comfort food or even cannabis. I felt I was cheering myself up and distracting myself from my pities, but in reality I was running away from my traumas because I didn’t want to deal with them and what’s more I didn’t know how to, in actual fact I don’t think I really knew why I was feeling sad and desolate. I had to force myself to recognise that all this ‘feeling’ that I was going through was the path to healing not destruction and that I just needed to trust and go with the flow. I did and it passed and wow, I suddenly felt renewed.
After the Tantric Journey treatment I felt a deep fog lift: I was able to think again. I was nervous about having further treatments but then I realised that my body was reacting to the deep bodywork I’d had with Mal and was initiating a cleansing of impurities: both emotional and physical in order to make way for the new liberated me.
To anyone that goes for a treatment with Mal I would say, ‘prepare for the unexpected: this unlike any other healing experience’’. I didn’t recognise myself during the healing crises that took place and this is something you have to be prepared for. When the numbness dissipates, denied parts of yourself suddenly make themselves felt and if you go through anything like I did, you feel as if your entire identity is shattered. It is worth it though, stick with it and ride the wave of emotional detox because this therapy is an unprecedented opportunity worthy of great gratitude. When you come through the healing crisis you emerge with feeling; a deeper sense of consciousness and with your body feeling restored and re-balanced. Mal’s treatment doesn’t create new problems for the body but releases the issues that are lying dormant deep below the surface, the long term results of this treatment are truly worthwhile for no price can be placed on happiness and fulfilment.
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