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Andrea Evans-Charrington Interview with Mal on Sep 13

 

Q1.         What is sexual abuse?  I think one of the reasons people don’t talk about it is that they’re not actually clear what it is, or that it’s even happened to them.

Mal

Sexual abuse can happen physically, verbally or psychologically. You can get abused by any one of our 5 senses: by touch, seeing things, hearing things, smelling things or tasting things. Our upbringing, culture and religion can make us into a slot how we think, behave and act sexually. I believe all these are sexual abuse as one loses his or her freedom to be an independent unique sexual being. Most common sexual abuse I find is the physical form of abuse and it’s most damaging when it’s done in childhood.

It is difficult to define sexual abuse due to following reasons. It’s the intention that makes a sexual abuse and not the act itself. For example someone could give a hug with the intention of love and this is not sexual abuse unless his or her intention was sexual. At the same time the recipient can perceive an innocent hug being sexual abuse because the recipient has sexual abuse in his/her cellular memory as they were sexually abused in childhood

Most people don’t talk about this subject as majority of them are sexually abused in their childhood and it’s unpleasant to hear, talk or think about this as it can evoke suppressed emotions. Some people have no recollection of this happening to them, as the event has gone into either subconscious or unconscious memory, but the emotion as a result of the event is still dormant in the body cellular memory and it can trigger any time just like a volcano from time to time as a wave of negative emotions for no specific reason.

This is what makes our society none tactile, distant and cold as it’sa safer option

 

Q2.         The average person who is sexually abused, both male and female, are sexually abused by a friend, a family member, a person from the church, somebody who they supposedly are supposed to trust why is this?

Mal

Abusers are there as a result of them being sexually abused in their childhood. This is an unrecognized illness in our society. Imagine if there are 4% of such abusers in our society. If each abuser attacks over 15 people in their life time, this will make 60% of our society subject to sexual abuse and this is what is happening every day without anyone’s knowledge. Abusers will only attack an energetically week body and not an energetically strong body. A child who is energetically strong will not be attacked while an adult energetically week can get attacked. What I mean energetically is a person with more positivist, love and happiness will be able to defend such abusers as abusers fear positivist. A person who is with full of negative energies such as fear, shame, guilt etc will be more vulnerable for such abusers and will be subject to abuse.  A child to sustains positivist one must have the protection of both masculine and feminine energies (ideal mother and father or their equivalent) in their childhood, with a positive, loving, tactile upbringing with a positive, spiritual and open cultural and religious (or none religious) environment especially closer to nature.

As our society does not create such a positive environment to our kids, they are most vulnerable to abuse and abusers will find them an easy target. Abusers will only abuse who they can establish a strong bond based on trust. This trust goes both ways between the abuser and the abuse. Most trusted people in the eyes of children their your own parents, brothers and sisters, close relatives, neighbors, teachers and religious authorities including most loved father Xmas. This is the reason most trusted people can become abusers as they know that they will remain silent for the rest of their lives

It is the same concept how an energetically weak adult can get sexually abused by most trusted people around them without them even knowing. Some women get sexually abused by their own partner or at work etc and remain silent for years due to inter dependency

 

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Q3.         Sexual abuse has been in the media headlines a lot lately following the Jimmy Savile scandal and  Louise Exton from NSPCC says the number of calls they receive has almost doubled on a year ago with a “growing sense of responsibility among st the public to speak up for children” in the light of recent high profile sex abuse cases. Do you think the fact that sex abuse being highlighted in this way is positive?

Mal

Sexual abuse is a normal event in the UK. Jimmy Savile case only shows about the 10% of the problem, while many people are still blind with the real problem that’s happening at their own door step or the solution as they have no capacity to understand or accept due to their own abuse in their unconsciousness and limitations as a result of their cultural and religious upbringing

I believe it’s a positive approach to bring this subject to media for open discussion and to educate both adults and children in schools and in other institutes as part of their curriculum. But this will not solve the problem. This will only make abuser think twice of abusing.

The real solution will come when we can accept that pedophilia is not a crime but it’s an illness. Then only we can propose positive solutions for this problem with love and compassion. We need to live in our truth and not live a lie

 

Q4.         Is sexual abuse becoming more common or is it just talked about more?

Mal

Sexual abuse has not changed and it’s very common in the UK, it will only get worse in years to come as I have discussed above. It’s becoming more talked about only thanks to Jimmy Savile.

It’s not talked about before as they don’t want to talk about their deepest and the most painful suppressed event and the emotion which related to the most trusted and respected people in their lives. Also the fear of nobody is going to believe them or they can’t recall anything happening to them in detail to talk about due to both the event and the emotion being buried in their unconscious memory

 

Q5.         I want to start out, just because it is so intriguing, with the question ‘’what is a Tantric Journey Healer?

Mal

Tantric Journey is to introduce a new way of life, it’s a spiritual balanced path and a journey to better yourself. Tantric Healer is able to meet the client wherever they are and be able to hold the space to help them to download their unwanted negative, stagnant emotions which is blocking their natural energy flow that can repair their body during any illness or dysfunction. This not only will help with ones sexuality, love and intimacy but to help them with finding a lifelong partner and how to maintain a quality long lasting relationship and a better health, wealth and happiness.  Concept is to help a client to get in touch with both emotional and physical toxins in their body, to help release them and help them to cultivate more positive energy. Tantric Journey Healer is a body therapist who will work with a client being in the moment in ever changing waves of emotions. He/She will also work holistically and will recognize the genital is part of the body unlike many other massage modalities. He/she will always work with unconditional love and will not have a price tag and clients will pay them a donation.

 

Q6.         Are you a sort of sex therapist?

Mal

I am a holistic tantric body therapist (rather than a sex therapist) who works on the whole body including all internal organs and sexual organs are one of them. I specialize in this area as there is a gap in the market place with lack of such a vital treatment. Most sex therapists are talking therapists which involves counselling and psychotherapy. My work involves lots of talking therapy, listening, deep bodywork, body movements such as yoga and dynamic meditation, toning using sounds. My work is based on emotional release from the body including yoni (vaginal) emotional detoxification and helping clients to release deeply held emotions through female ejaculation. I am the first Advanced Certified Tantra Educator in the UK from Source School of Tantra, USA

 

Q7.         How does Tantra really bring more healing to abuse victims? 

Mal

Abuse victims hold negative emotions such as fear, anger, mistrust, shame, rage etc in the whole body, mostly in the pelvic basin and in the genital area depending on the type of abuse they were subject to. Tantra will help a client to come to realization of the abuse by evoking emotions, be able to forgive the abuser and let go of the stagnant negative emotions through yoga, meditation, toning (sounds) and deep massages including yoni massages (vaginal). During this yoni massage we will feel the knots, blocks, scar tissues etc in the surface of the yoni, which is a manifestation of emotions. These can be easily removed with massage incorporating a certain breath work. When the yoni is detox, it will open itself for deeper emotional release through female ejaculation. This I call yoni crying. When you feel sad, you cry. Then you don’t feel sad any more.  When you ejaculate you release most negative emotions same as crying from your eyes. This is how abused victims can be helped through tantric healing

 

Q8.         How do you define a sense of exploration and abuse? Where does, when does it cross over? 

Mal

It is the intentions that defines whether one is exploring or abusing

Sexual exploration is done usually with the consent of two individuals for mutual benefits. Abuse is done by one person against the other without the consent or with a person who is not in a position to give consent. Sexual exploration can also be done by a person who is not in a position seek consent and this is not abuse

 

Q9.         It’s very fascinating to find out these kind of different ways that we can think of abuse or discover abuse is this the first step in how do we come to healing.

Mal

It’s best not to think of who and when you were abused as it will not get you anywhere. Most of the times you will not even have any recollection of these events. Focus on the symptoms and dysfunctions and see how you can improve your health and happiness. Healing is about removing our blocks that stops our vital energy flow that is capable of solving most of our problems

 Q10.       Can you explain how our sexual life and our sexual breadth can be affected by trauma, by sexual abuse, and how Tantra can positively heal us, nourish us?

Mal

Any trauma including sexual trauma events will store in our body as a form of emotions in our cellular memory.  This is a well-known fact and scientifically proved. Emotions are not the ones that block our system; it’s when they get stagnant in certain parts of our body that produce the block. They get stagnant due to constriction of body tissues. When sexual organs get blocked due to knots, deposits in the capillaries etc it will block the chi energy flow, reduce circulation and will not remove toxins from the sexual organs or provide nourishment. With a tantric yoni massage, you can remove the knots and blocks same as in any other parts of the body and will increase circulation and blood volume to help remove physical and emotional toxins due to trauma and be able to nourish the sexual organs with increased blood volumes. Once we make the pathway for the circulation and the chi energy it will repair all problems by themselves automatically without any medication. The treatment is only about unblocking and not healing. Healing takes place automatically

 

Q11.       You  are an educated man  and hold a BSc (Hon) degree in Bio Physical Science, DMS and a MBA how do you go from a mainstream degree to Tantra?… I mean talk me through how your career /life path led you to Tantra?  How does that work?

Mal

If you look at the history, Tantra and many other healing modalities going back to 1000’s of years was in the main stream and science was only less than 200 years old was a side line until recently. It is this vast ancient knowledge that lead me to work in this arena. There is no medication or a treatment that’s available parallel to the work I do to help trauma victims. Most western treatments are talking to the mind while the problem is in the body. Most of the medication is to treat the symptom and not the cause of the symptom. Tantric healing will treat the cause of the problem at a direct physical and emotional level with minimum side effects unlike may prescribe drugs. While I work as massage therapist in my wife’s beauty salon, I had the opportunity to massage 1000’s of women from all walks of life and my observation on these clients I concluded that a normal massage is not going to help them any more than a prescribed drug. So I researched many other modalities of massages that can help women suffering with trauma and found tantric yoni massage was what was used in the past, well over 1000’s of years to heal trauma. Also during Victorian times it was GP’s who used to do vaginal massages to treat women with Hysteria, before they introduced the vibrator

 

Q12.       What are the symptoms of sexual abuse in a female?

Mal

Following are some of the stress symptoms that can experience due to energy blocks as a result of sexual abuse. These symptoms may come and go from time to time as waves and some may stay for a long time. These symptoms can be as a result of a combination of many other life traumas as well.

  • FEELING CONSTANTLY EXHAUSTED
  • NO INTEREST IN LIFE
  • PANIC
  • IRRITABILITY
  • LACK OF CONCENTRATION
  • CRYING EASILY
  • ATTENTION SEEKING
  • HYPREACTIVITY
  • RAPID SPEECH
  • RAPID THOUGHTS
  • THINK ABOUT FOOD A LOT
  • PARANOIA
  • PHOBIAS
  • FEELING OF GLOOM AND DOOM
  • FEELING LIFE IS NOT WORTH LIVING
  • RESTLESSNESS
  • COMPULSION/
  • OBSESSION
  • LOSS OF INTEREST IN SEX
  • TIGHT CHEST OR THROAT
  • SHAKING
  • DIZZINESS
  • DIARRHOEA
  • WIND
  • INSOMNIA
  • BREATHING DIFFICULTIES
  • THUMPING HEART
  • EXCESSIVE SWEATING
  • SWALLOWING PROBLEMS
  • LOSS OF APPETITE AND WEIGHT
  • HEADACHES
  • DIFFICULT TO EXPERIENCE REGULAR ORGASM
  • TINNTTUS (RINGING IN THE EARS)
  • ACHING ALL OVER 

The result of sexual abuse is

-unable to have a full body orgasm and / or experience female ejaculation

-unable to find a suitable partner or stay in a permanent relationship

-loss of interest in either one or all of them: sex, intimacy, love

 

Q13.       Clearly with sexual abuse victims there has been a violation, and this means that you have to build trust, clear boundaries and a safe environment for healing, how do you set about doing this?

Mal

Normally it’s a man who has abused women, usually during childhood. Therefore it’s a man who can help to fix this. The length of the treatment depends on how soon I can earn the clients trust. The treatment itself is very short. Trust is not something that I can ask for, but it’s something that I earn during my initial consultation and during each treatment. Women are very sensitive and more so when they are sexually abused. They definitely know whom to trust and whom not to with their sharp senses, abuse victims are usually over protective and shut down most of their vital energy channels due to the trauma they have undergone. They find it extremely difficult to go to a male healer, especially if they are not known to them. Most of my clients come from word of mouth or someone I met by accident somewhere. In these situations it’s easier for them to come to me.

I have no specific boundaries as such; I always follow the client guidance and respect their boundaries. Boundaries are there to protect them and my task is to earn their trust and to help them open up and stretch their boundaries. To do this I need to earn an amount of trust that they have not trusted another human being. Until then healing will not take place successfully. I understand the pain they are going through and at all times I make a very clear intention to help them open up and heal their old wounds. I also focus near 100% and stay with the client in every moment during their ever changing waves of emotions that go through the session. I also work with unconditional love with no expectations other than focusing on healing the client. Every man can do this treatment and what is stopping them is their uncontrollable Ego. Once you learn to surrender to this ego this work is very easy and greatly rewarding

 

Q14.       If someone reading this is starting to recognize that they have been the victim of sexual abuse or are a survivor of that, or may be recognizing that our partner might be that, what should they do?

Mal

They can come to see me for a consultation with or without their partner. If they want they can come with a friend. I can also arrange a chaperon to be with me to make them feel safe. I fully understand the difficulty they have coming to a man, because of this reason I have trained a few female therapists who can do similar work just to open them, to talk to them and to give them some confidence to help them to come to see me. I am also planning to hold talks, seminars and workshop and therapy classes in the future so it will make it easier for them to come to listen to me

 

Q15.       Can Tantra can be introduced into any spiritual or religious practice.  And if you are not spiritual, if you’re not religious, if you don’t want to go that way,  can still heal you , can you still make sex sacred by making it special, making it important?

Mal

Tantra is not a religion. It’s an ancient science and it can be introduced into any spiritual or religious (or none religious) practice as long as those are  not suppressing women’s sexuality and supporting their health and well being.

The definition of spirituality for me is a person who is willing to surrender to his or her stagnant negative emotions such as ego, greed, anger, fear, shame, guild, rage, mistrust etc. It is these negative emotions combined with your toxic food, drinks, air that we consume daily will make us none tantric. By following a tantric journey you will learn how to get rid of such unwanted emotions, to consume healthy food, drinks and air, live closer to nature and lead a positive life style. This will make you a spiritual person and it’s through this spirituality that you will attain higher states of consciousness that will make love making sacred.

Orgasm is a wave of positively charged energies that’s created in the pelvic basin and rise up to our crown (to penile gland). Most women’s orgasm stops at genital level when they have this experience occasionally during love making. The reason for this limitation is that their negatively charged emotions block their positively charged orgasmic energy. A person who has been sexually abused will always feel the fear as soon as they are aroused or just before the orgasmic state, making them difficult to achieve a full body orgasm.

So the key to this is to help the client to fully feel their stagnant negative energies stored in their body and help them to release them through deep healing tantric massages incorporating breath, sound and body movement

 

Q16.       Is it possible for someone who has been sexually abused to receive full healing and go on to enjoy a fulfilled sex life?

Mal

Yes, 100%, only if they have the courage to take one step forward towards a tantric healer and the healer will then take 10 steps towards her to help her

Life is too short not to take that one small step 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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