Like anyone else, every year of my adult life I have started with pockets full of various ‘new year resolutions’. Every year I promise to be a better person, work harder, be more focused, love and cherish life; but at some point of the year I manage to dump all my ‘resolutions’ and go back to square one- where I become myself again – a semi-depressed mother with an obscure mind and lack of serenity. Oh, don’t get me wrong! I love my child and adore my partner, it is just a feeling of gap that needs to be filled in my brain or heart or some might call it a soul. I tried so many things and never managed to find peace, and this time once again i am making a resolution- to find peace through tantra. I am giving myself a year to see a change, and will be posting my reflections right here.
Why-tantra? Saying frankly, I don’t know. After trying studying and practicing various philosophies that seemed to shape my current “I” (but failed to bring the expected change), I returned back to a very special person who offered his help many years ago. Back then I rejected his offer, and 8 years on, full of hope I found him again. I guess the saying “When the student is ready the master appears” suits my case well.
I always had interest in Eastern philosophies, through my late teenagehood I was obsessed with Osho’s teachings, whose spiritual path combined elements Hinduism, Buddhism, Taoism, Christianity and many other religious and philosophic traditions, humanistic psychology and meditation; then i embraced Islamic philosophy and practice and here I am…in search once again…
Back to “the master” thing; I met Mal in 2003, He is the pioneer tantric therapist in London. we talked about my interest in Eastern philosophies, my constant search for love and satisfaction and inability to find it. He then suggested to study (or perhaps explore) tantra. I was open minded and excited, but after first session I felt overwhelmed and couldn’t cope with the tsunami of various emotions and instead of returning back to Mal, I had suppressed my emotions for many more years. I decided to see Mal again for his advice 8 years later. This time; I was clear about my questions and my needs and was ready for long journey to reach my goal .In fact- my ultimate goal- to achieve serenity and love.
Sooooo, I was offered a journey – tantric journey, that promises to bring the healing, and i am up for it. I will be seeing my ‘master’ 3 times a month, which makes about 40 times a year. I will posting my reflections of every single training session and perhaps additional postings of my own mini researches on tantric life.
I guess that is it…