There is a lot of pressure on men nowadays. The effects of stress, tension and anxiety on men can be devastating for their health and sexual well being. They think women expect a lot from them and they have to be in their masculine power and performance to a high standard. Not only they have to please the woman, give her an orgasm, have an orgasm themselves, but they also have to show that they are a manly, macho and in their power.
If they have a poor body image and low self esteem, they feel very insecure. They worry about the shape of their body and size of their lingam. They develop limiting beliefs like I am not good enough, I am not a good lover, I can’t please my partner, etc. Together with emotions like fear, shame and guilt leave men feeling so frustrated.
Before intercourse, they become so anxious, tensed and stressed that they cannot relax and they ejaculate prematurely because of so much tension and pressure in their body. There is the pressure to have an erection, maintain the erection and not to ejaculate too quickly. They fear that their partner will judge and reject them if they don’t perform well in bed. All these are very stressful. Anxiety, stress and tension are the primary causes of most sexual dysfunction.
Men desperately need sexual healing because of all the guilt, shame and fear they are holding on to. They feel guilty about watching porn, masturbating, having fantasies, etc. They fear others will find out about their ‘dirty secrets’, so they repress everything which make them even more stressed and tensed.
Osho, the Tantric Guru, puts it beautifully:
‘Repressed sexuality is the problem. When sex is accepted as a natural phenomenon, there is not need for repression and they don’t need porn. When there is no repression, then the energy can be transformed.’
Surprisingly, many men I work with have almost the same issues: they feel insecure, stressed, have low body image, low self-esteem, low libido, suffer from performance anxiety and premature ejaculation which leaves them extremely frustrated. Sex is often associated with guilt, shame, sin, distrust, hurt, embarrassment, fear of rejection, etc. Yet, they think they are the only one who suffer these. Most of these are due to trauma from childhood which is stored in the body and is still unresolved. I help them to release the accumulated tension, emotional pain and limiting beliefs about their body and show them how to love themselves. I support them to heal their unmet emotional needs and access their masculine power…the Shiva consciousness in them.
A lot of men worry about the size of their lingam and worry that their partners will laugh at them, ridicule them or simply reject them. As a result, they feel very embarrassed and have low self worth. But size is much less important than its strength and what you do with it. I encourage men to appreciate their body exactly as it is as we are all different and unique.
Tantra teaches men about their body, their sexual energy, their arousal, their ejaculation and their orgasm. Men learn to go on inward, experience their own pleasure as well as cultivate self-love. They learn to explore their full potential for pleasure, healing and spiritual growth. Once they have mastered these, then they become not only a better person but also a better lover.
In Tantra, men are encouraged not to ejaculate. Sperm contains hormones, protein, minerals, vitamins, amino acids as well as life force (prana). After ejaculation, they feel tired, disconnected and disinterested. Instead, they can circulate their sexual energy throughout their body which is both energising and healing. It is commonly thought that ejaculation and orgasm is the same thing and happen at the same time. Orgasm happens a few seconds before ejaculation. So it is possible to have an orgasm and not ejaculate. In fact, this is how men can have multi and full body orgasms.